Selcouth
by FateStrived
Summary: "Sakura can we borrow a cup of sugar?" They asked. Puppy eyes, and pouts in all. "If you really wanted Sugar, then why hell is Deidara sneaking through my garage?" She said, her arms folded in accusement. "For some...sugar?" Tobi somewhat stated in a question. Sighing to herself, she wondered why the hell did she not choose an apartment. AkatXSaku. Drabbles.


Author's note: This story is drabble themed, meaning that each chapter can specify to be 100 words all the way to 5,000 words. It'll only be longer than that under certain exceptions.

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"People always think about what is mentally crazy; has anyone ever thought about what is socially crazy?"

"No…I don't think so."

"_Exactly_, this is why you find people thrown into swimming pools from second story houses."

"Wouldn't that person be dead then?"

"…Dead? That's crazy to think. They landed in a swimming pool remember; of course they can't be dead."

-Scene from Seania Oakland's monologue

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The story of such: Selcouth

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Sometimes, it was days like this that made her wish she lived in another country. Don't get her wrong, she loved where she lived, but not with the people she lived next to.

To put it bluntly; the people who lived right next to her, were complete pricks.

They created a loud ruckus every single night, causing her to lose her much needed sleep to do productive things.

They ruined her property daily, causing her to buy new windows, and furniture more occasionally than necessary.

And finally, they even had the nerve to sneak in to her house and hit on her.

It was complete blasphemy.

In fact it was so endearingly stupid, she couldn't even recount the times her top had blown off.

Not literally of course, that was just a plain disturbing mental picture.

It just meant that there had been countless moments, of where she had been furious to the point of man handling them. Much like a tea pot getting too heated up-

"What are you writing, Sakura-chan," He paused, looking over her shoulder, "Is it for your College essay?"

Feeling a warm breath on her neck, she tried her best to breath in and out, in attempt to calm herself down. Sadly, it wasn't working, but then again, it never worked. She had such a terrible temper, that she got mad at the most simplest things that most people never even briefed a curse to, but then again she was Sakura Haruno. The girl with a terrible temper, and the girl with a mighty good right hook.

"Sakura-chan?-"

Turning around sharply, in her fancy spinning desk chair, she came face to face to none other than Obito Uchiha.

A sickly slick bitch of a man, who kisses up when he deems it perfect to, and is lethally sly in matters to get what he wants; yep that was his description in total…at least to her.

Sighing, while rubbing at her temples, she contemplated on whether or not to reply or to kick him out of her own house. She settled with the peaceful option first. That way, she would at least have an excuse for the cops, _if_ Obito had a few broken limbs.

"I'm just venting my feelings on a piece of paper, Uchiha."

Although, the sad thing was, venting out her feelings never really worked. This was why she was always in arguments, and never the peace keeper. She would be a terrible peace keeper is she was, she'd probably only enhance the trouble.

Obito grinned, before grabbing the piece of paper from her hands, (much to her dismay), and reading it over. It was then he frowned and pouted.

"Your feelings? But it says that you wish for Deidara-sempai to fall in a hole and for Tobi to get trapped in a room with Barney, and for Kisame to be coo-"

Sakura scowled in irritation as she snatched the paper away from him. "Give me that!" she said, "It's very clear, that I wish violent things for _all_ of you."

Obito raised an eye brow at her. "_All_ of us? Itachi isn't even on here!"

Sakura offered him a sickly sweet smile, as she folded the piece of paper in her back pocket for her to write on later. "Don't worry, he'll show up on it soon… if he does anything to piss me off."

Obito gave her a disbelieving look. "Didn't he steal your hair dryer?"

Sakura huffed at the memory. "Yes, but he gave it back to me, and bought me some dango to make up for it."

Silence occurred for a few short moments, before Obito spoke up.

He was after all very unconvinced to think that was all that_ did_ happen. Itachi was simply not like that. He didn't do something without some type of gain, like most Uchihas rationalized the proper thing to do.

"He made a deal that he would buy dango for you, in turn that's he's able to use your hair dryer, didn't he?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

Sakura grinned to this.

"What can I say, I like sweets, and the man looooves his hair." She cooed, now standing up, and looking through the blinds of her room to glance at her neighbor's house.

"Don't you have somewhere to be, Obito? I'm pretty sure your little brother will get worried if you're not in sight." She said, now stepping away from her window, to go scope out some pajamas in her wardrobe.

Obito brushed her off. "How can I go, when I have the knowledge of you wishing for me to step in a room filled with legos?" He said dramatically, he made his voice sound like he was horrified. "That stuff hurts!"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Just go, Obito," she paused, her expression now accompanying a sickingly sweet smile, "You don't want to end up like last time, right?"

The last time Obito had gone into her house, insisting to stay in it, she had acted ruthlessly against him; she had pranked him three times a day for one month. It wasn't pretty, and she pretty much guessed that it traumatized him.

Obito immediately replied with an unevenly rushed voice, it was as if he just remembered why he had once had nightmares for weeks. "Ah…Ha, yep I do believe it's time to go, talk to you in the morning-" And with that, he attempted to retreat, before falling lamely on her carpeted floor. So much for leaving with his dignity, and his Uchiha pride.

Sighing, Sakura dumped her clothes on her bed, before grabbing Obito's ear and forcefully pulling him out of her house.

Climbing down the stairs, with numerous complaints from Obito, she then scoped her living room for anymore intruders of what could only be the Akatsuki. Finding the close clear, she then proceeded to her front door, and shoved Obito outside. "Goodnight Obito."

Rubbing at his aching ears, he sighed in defeat as he walked down her porch steps.

"Goodnight, Sakura-chan."

And with that, she slammed her door closed with a satisfying thud. Thank god, Obito was not as persistent as his older brother. Maybe that's why she actually gives him the option of leaving on his own choice, while with his older brother; she just forces him out of her house... in the rough way.

She wasn't a cruel person after all; just an easily infuriated one who didn't like irritating neighbors in her house. Okay maybe she was a bit cruel, but seriously her neighbors were much crueler. They thought a game of shoot the mail man with paintballs was a sweet kind of entertainment.

Climbing up the stairs once again, she vaguely wondered if she should just buy a dog.

If she did, it would have been able to guard her house while she was away, much unlike her lazy cat, who disappeared every so often, like right now.

But then again maybe not, it might upset her dear little kitty cat Tommy, and she really wouldn't want that, would she?

Humming at her decisive answer, she heard slight footsteps from her room. Silencing her own pairs of footsteps, she quietly crept towards her bed room door. If she had anything to guess by, it was probably another Akatsuki member snooping inside her house. When one got in, there always seemed to be another one looming closely behind. It was like they came in pairs of two's or three's just to annoy her.

Opening the door to her room silently, she noticed something that she didn't like. She was definitely correct of it being an Akatsuki member.

It was a Uchiha brother, searching through her very own room. This was another reason why she didn't like her neighbors; they came to her place, did as they pleased, and lingered around as if they owned it.

It was pure stupidity.

"Madara, what the hell are you looking for?" She demanded, hands on hips, with a pissed expression on her face. The eldest Uchiha was always a pain to deal with.

Madara, caught red handed, froze in place and offered Sakura what looked to be a sheepish smile.

"I'm looking for...nothing?"

Unconvinced she sighed. "How many times have I told you to keep your creepy tendencies in check?" she paused, seeing something in his right hand. "Do you want me to discuss this with Pein once again?"

"I am not looking for your underwear!" Madara said in defense.

Sakura gave him another unconvinced look. "….This time." He finished.

Sakura gave him an oh-really look, as she glanced at her nails. "I was just looking for your glasses."

"Humor me and tell me why, Madara?" Her voice left no room for argument.

Sighing in defeat, just as his little brother did not too long ago, he pouted.

"I was going to sell them on Amazon."

Sakura snapped her gaze from her nails over towards him. "Sell my glasses?" She asked, wondering if she misheard him. Who the hell sells their neighbor's glasses? Obviously her nut job of a neighbor Madara did.

Without waiting for an explanation, (being sure she didn't want to hear it in the first place), she quickly grabbed her glasses away from him, placing it on her dresser counter top, before grabbing his wrist roughly, and promptly dragging him out of her room, down the hallway to the guest room.

Madara was going to give her some answers. Considering that she found him grabbing her glasses, she was partially curious as to what else he sold. Hopefully it wasn't anything drastic, or the next major thing that showed on the news would be the famous Madara Uchiha being pushed out of a window.

"Wow, I knew you liked me, but aren't we going a little fast right now?" Madara said with a confident smirk, probably thinking dangerously-treading-on-ice thoughts.

The man must be crazy, no insane to say that after she had just caught him red handed, attempting to sell her _possessions_. Things that _she_ bought.

Halting her step, to look over her shoulder, she kindly offered him a icy stare, that directly shut him right up. Grinning to herself at the instant silence, she pulled him forward.

Opening the door to the guest bedroom, with a slight creak, she then let go of Madara's wrist and walked towards the room's window. Much to Madara's confusion, she opened it, turned around and grinned at him.

"Can you do me a favor and stand right here, Madara?" She ordered/asked, as she leaned against the window sill.

Madara seeing Sakura's all too sweet grin; contemplated over his fight or flight response.

"Do I have to?" He asked meekly.

She gave him a pointed look.

Sighing in a somewhat form of terror, Madara moved hesitantly towards the window. She grinned to this.

"Now, Madara, you tell me how many things have you sold that are from me?"

"Well…" He trailed off, only continuing when he saw Sakura's hurt-promising glare.

"I sold your teddy bear-"

"You fucking sold Mr. Wuggles?!"

Madara raised his hands in defense. "Now come on, Sakura-chan. You're a grown woman, who needs to get over stuffed animals-"

"I expect this from Kakuzu, but you?" She paused in frustration, as she closed her eyes, her hands rubbing at her temples, to hear what else he sold, "What else did you sell?"

"Well, I sold your coffee maker, your vase, your rosemary candles…"

Strangely, Sakura wasn't reacting at all as he listed the things he profited from; to Madara it was the scariest shit ever. It was like dealing with a bomb, you knew could blow up at any given second.

Coughing into his arm, he mumbled the last words. "….And I sold your cat."

Sakura opened her eyes, and raised her eye brow. "What?"

He coughed once again into his arm. "I sold _Tommy_."

"I'm sorry I still can't hear you. Speak up, Uchiha."

"I said I sold your stupid cat." He said out loud, his movement suddenly frozen.

He really should have listened to Kakuzu's lecture on what not to sell when dealing with a female. From Sakura's expression, the cat scandal just really stepped over the line.

"You sold Tom?" Sakura asked in disbelief.

Madara placed a somewhat comforting hand on her shoulder. "On the Brightside, Tom was sold to a nice little family, who named him something cool like Tiger."

"You sold my baby?!"

Hearing little choked sobs from Sakura, whose bangs covered her face, he inwardly panicked; at least he panicked until the choked sobs stopped. That was when the emotion called fear welled up within him.

The bomb has exploded.

If only he had Deidara right next to him so he could at least help him diffuse this lethal force. Unfortunately, he wasn't here, so this could very well be his lame death.

"You sold my fucking cat!" Sakura growled, this was the point in time, where she angrily pulled her arm back and punched Madara square in the jaw. Hearing a small crack, Sakura grinned as she saw Madara fall backwards with a high pitched yelp. If she didn't know that it was Madara, she could have very well pass him off as a girl.

Listening in for the satisfying splash of Madara falling into a twelve foot depth of water, she grinned much like a Cheshire cat for this situation going_ her_ way. This was a clear victory to her, and to say she liked it was an understatement.

This was revenge for her little darling, and for Mr. Wuggles. No one and she means _no one_ will lay a hand on her sweeties and get away with it. Especially if you're a rich dude, with a police force as a family.

Luckily for Madara, she had a swimming pool conveniently placed right below her guest bedroom, and luckily for her, she actually knew that Madara could swim. If she didn't then his family would have been on her ass for months, and she definitely didn't need that.

Walking towards the window sill, and looking down, she grinned to see Madara splashing his way uncomfortably in the water as he made his way towards the pool's ledge.

"If you don't get my cat back, I'll make sure to sue you, Uchiha!" She yelled over to him with cupped hands.

Madara, now sitting tiredly on the ledge of the swimming pool, held his hand over his chest to sooth his mini heart attack he had from falling two stories in the air.

"You could have killed me you know!" Madara shouted at her, now attempting to sit up from his harsh fall, and flipping his black hair from his eyes.

Sakura didn't reply, as she gave him a sweet, sweet grin of victory, and promptly closed her window.

Now walking towards her own bedroom, she sat on her bed and sulked over her recently found to be sold Kitty.

Her dear baby was missing.

No wonder he was gone for such a long time, her prick of a neighbor sold him.

"I wonder if I could get Kakuzu to help me black mail Madara. I'm pretty sure he enjoys getting the upper hand over anyone." She mumbled and grinned, "Don't you worry, Tommy, I'll get you back."

Now standing up once more, she grabbed her clothes and headed off for the bathroom. Stepping in to the only place in the house where she could relax, she quickly locked the door behind her. If there was a thing or two, she had learned from being a neighbor of the Akatsuki for a year and a half, it was to lock the bathroom door. Yes her neighbors were just that bad.

Putting a towel on her towel rack next to her shower, she vaguely wondered if she could try the window exit on any more Akatsuki members. It was after all, a pretty gold exit.

"Maybe I could try it on dear Deidara-chan, for what he did to my lawn." She said with a thoughtful smirk.

Well whatever she wanted to do to keep her irritating neighbors in check, would all have to wait for tomorrow. Right now all she could do was to relax, and to grin stupidly at her thoughts of how the Akatsuki would react to the sloppy looking, possibly traumatized Madara.

Grinning even wider, she then stepped into her shower.

Today was just another ordinary day, of being a neighbor of the Akatsuki.


End file.
